Well I never - Blogger now tracks the number of page views I have. But anyway I just need to get this off my chest. It seems increasingly hard to be a good son. Just about everything I do is wrong. I am very discouraged by that. Maybe I need some time in the army to draw close to God. I don't know; how come my time spent with God isn't changing me> How come I am hurting instead of encouraging those around me? This really messes with my mind. I must pray more.

The ring signifies three things.

First, when I am tempted to be upset, hurt, bitter, angry, resentful, judgmental, critical, at anyone or no one in particular, it shall remind me that my sin is ever before me (literally) and that I am invariably as sinful as the other, if not more.

Second, it serves to remind me that True Love Waits whenever a pretty girl comes along who catches my eye. For that matter, it serves to remind me that True Love Waits whenever a girl comes along who catches my eye. This is also by extension a call to and reminder for purity.

Finally, playing with it and clenching my fist only reminds me of how poorly the ring fits around my finger, and how fitting, for this world is not my home; I'm just a-passing through. Though I have chosen to constantly torment myself with that reality, it is as it is - entirely real, and so a choice seemingly foolish for endlessly unnerving me in the present shall reap its reward in eternity when I gain satisfaction upon understanding.

But on a lighter note, placing it on my index finger is an obstacle to barring chords.

I think I have much to say now but I just need to say something quickly. I thank God for the Youth Retreat that has taken place, and for speaking to us all and perhaps drawing us closer to Himself in this time. I pray that I will be able to trust in Him and pray His love in my life daily. I know my circumstances don't seem as bad as those of the people around me but I find it equally hard a struggle to be constantly seeking Jesus and seeking to know Him. Just like how I woke up this morning and found myself strangely, unexpectedly and disconcerting distant from Jesus and almost as if I didn't know that He was there. But I thank God that He is, whether I choose to believe or no, and that yes, He will grant me the grace I need to rely on Him fully.

Psalm 119:176 "I have gone astray like a lost sheep; seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments."

This verse strangely but accurately describes me now. Having sung God's praise and proclaimed His faithfulness at length, I find that I have suddenly gone astray, and gotten lost. Yet there is hope in it for me: "seek your servant, for I do not forget your commandments."

You know, when I went to take a read, I realised that I'd actually stumbled on your blog, I don't know, weeks back? I'm just saying.

Anyway, reading it was a blessing for me because it just woke me up to the whole dimension of spiritual possibilities I've been missing simply because I've shortchanged myself by spending so little time with Him. After this I will go right back to it: mark my words.

But thanks, I guess? For considering me close enough to share the link. I think you know how much I've struggled with friends on earth and acceptance, sometimes. I find it so difficult to come by a friendship that isn't so active it's forced, or so passive it's dead. I find myself increasingly more well-acquainted in this world, and yet, ironically, strangely, and yet comfortingly, more distant from most, than ever, such that it gravitates me towards You, God.

I guess I need more of this, don't I? And less excuses why I am 'not free to read Your Word'. I am! Really, I have time. But I am just procrastinating and delaying and it makes my spirit so hungry for you I feel terrible inside and yet my flesh is willing to push it off. I am starving spiritually and I need to feast.

Okay, that's enough of that - off to read.

It is easy to share your struggles with those whom you don't know so well, but harder, with those who know you better. It is also easy to fal to favouritism and prejudice. I just can't shake it off, but instead am cherishing it in my heart. Why does your body naturally disengage itself from some and incline towards others?

It is not a pleasant feeling when people tell you outright how bad you are, but it is an even worse and more horrible feeling to find yourself listing off the bad things about them in return. And I hate this body because it's just so full of pride. How I hate to be proud and yet I invariably am. Wretched, really, being trapped in this sinful body and being subject to its sundry whims and passions.

But thank God for the Helmet of Salvation, and for the mind of Christ which was given to me when I was saved. By His grace I am able to take all these thoughts captive to obey Christ. It is really difficult, but I know that He shall be pleased with me for seeking to obey Him.

Finally, this is my test, my leap of faith, my 'baptism of fire', would you say? All this time I've leant on you, or so I think, and it's finally time to let go, a sister. I wonder if you even come here anymore, 'cause I have not posted for so long. But I must learn to rely on God and not on man. And finally, my own quote. 'Man is going to fail you, but God will never fail.'

But our God You will never fail,
Forever and ever.

I wish you the very best in this life, and you too, wish me the same please. We shall meet and talk again one day, but under different circumstances. I don't blame you for a single thing, I don't! Let's go, and let's remember what was, and yet look ahead to what shall be. We'll meet in heaven one day, and we'll all worship our Father! But for this life on earth, I continue to pray that we'll be faithful to our Commission.

And finally, I fall off the roof, and the building beneath me crumbles... But what's this! I spread my wings and realise I'd had them all along.