A pilgrim on the narrow road.

2012-02-07T21:42:00.002+08:00

It is not a pleasant feeling when people tell you outright how bad you are, but it is an even worse and more horrible feeling to find yourself listing off the bad things about them in return. And I hate this body because it's just so full of pride. How I hate to be proud and yet I invariably am. Wretched, really, being trapped in this sinful body and being subject to its sundry whims and passions.

But thank God for the Helmet of Salvation, and for the mind of Christ which was given to me when I was saved. By His grace I am able to take all these thoughts captive to obey Christ. It is really difficult, but I know that He shall be pleased with me for seeking to obey Him.

2012-01-27T00:07:00.002+08:00

Finally, this is my test, my leap of faith, my 'baptism of fire', would you say? All this time I've leant on you, or so I think, and it's finally time to let go, a sister. I wonder if you even come here anymore, 'cause I have not posted for so long. But I must learn to rely on God and not on man. And finally, my own quote. 'Man is going to fail you, but God will never fail.'

But our God You will never fail,
Forever and ever.

I wish you the very best in this life, and you too, wish me the same please. We shall meet and talk again one day, but under different circumstances. I don't blame you for a single thing, I don't! Let's go, and let's remember what was, and yet look ahead to what shall be. We'll meet in heaven one day, and we'll all worship our Father! But for this life on earth, I continue to pray that we'll be faithful to our Commission.

And finally, I fall off the roof, and the building beneath me crumbles... But what's this! I spread my wings and realise I'd had them all along.

2011-06-27T12:29:00.002+08:00

I am FREE!!! (Whoa-oa-oa!) Haha but seriously, from so many things. But for now, lust and one friendship no longer have a hold on me! 'Like a rolling stone, like a runaway train, no turning back, no more yesterdays - MY HEART IS FREE! NO CHAINS ON ME!!!' And yet I continue to struggle. With pride, with prayer, with love for God, with spending time with Him. Lord help me to draw near to You again Lord, and make me ever conscious of my sinfulness and my need for You!

2011-05-20T00:04:00.003+08:00

'I live to know you more - for me, to live is Christ; to know You is my life.' And please help me to focus on You and desire to know You and love You so so so much more. And not on other people who are all temporal and will fade away but not You, Lord, only You will remain. And please grant me focus on You that results in perfect peace and a proper perspective on life. Oh Lord, won't You draw near to me when I cry out to You?

2011-05-09T21:56:00.001+08:00

Take every thought captive to Christ! Give the devil an inch an he will want to become the ruler! Put off the old self! Pray!

2011-04-24T19:44:00.002+08:00

What if your parents were wrong? NO. What if YOU are wrong? What if your parents were right all along? What if you've completely mucked your life up because of some poor decision? Can you reverse that? Will God help you out of that, or let you be to teach you a lesson you'll never forget just as He did the Israelites who trusted the Assyrians Egyptians Babylonians and just about every other nation on earth except Him? Ah. But then at least I know that when all this comes to pass You'll take me back again and restore me to Yourself. Then truly I will turn away from all else, all other idols and worship You and serve no other but You.

2011-04-09T21:59:00.001+08:00

You unfaithful boy! Repent, and be glad that God is merciful!

2011-03-24T21:51:00.002+08:00

How do you differentiate between the two? How do I know if my mind is playing games with my heart or my heart, playing tricks on my mind. Can it be possible to start so young? And I don't want to be the one to make a mistake. Is it possible to reject with kind intentions? Will they hate you forever. Of course not. Why did I get myself into this. I don't know how many people actually read this, but I'm guessing not too many, so I may as well vent everything.

I dislike living like this! How do others do it? Will they last? Why am I asking all this? Is it not enough to trust in the everlasting love of the faithful God? Of course. But why is it so much harder in practice!!!

Psalm 33

Sing joyfully to the Lord, you righteous! It is fitting for the upright to praise Him. Praise the Lord with the harp; make music to Him on the ten-stringed lyre. Sing to Him a new song; play skilfully, and shout for joy, for the word of the Lord is right and true, He is FAITHFUL in all he does. The Lord LOVES RIGHTEOUSNESS AND JUSTICE, the earth is full of His UNFAILING LOVE. By the word of the Lord were the heavens made; their starry host by the breath of His mouth. He gathers the waters of the seas into jars, He puts the deep into storehouses. Let all the earth fear the Lord, let all the peoples of the world revere Him, for He spoke, and it came to be; He commanded, and it stood firm. The Lord foils the plans of the nations, He thwarts the purposes of the peoples, but the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord, the people he chose for an inheritance. From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth; He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. No king is saved by the size of his army, no warrior escapes by his great strength. A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear Him, on those whose trust is in Him, to deliver them from death, to keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the Lord, He is our help and our shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May Your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord, even as we put our hope in You!

There, doesn't that feel so much better! Now, if only I could do this everyday.

2011-03-20T18:23:00.000+08:00

I love God but I hate this... distraction. Save me.

2011-03-19T22:01:00.003+08:00

Well. I didn't make the team for triple, but I prayed to do my best and I am content with what I have, Lord. Psalm 16:5-6 'The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup; You hold my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.'

2011-01-03T21:52:00.002+08:00

My resolutions for 2011 are as follows: To be humble in the Lord, and not to get angry for unrighteous reasons. And do at least 13m for triple jump. Okay, and 6 for long jump. But really, the more I think about it, I find, the more pointless setting goals like that is except that God's hand is in it. Okay, I will aim for those distances as benchmarks, but I will do my best in everything as unto the Lord.

And I ought not to be stricken with guilt, but just enter into God's presence with a sincere, humble and penitent heart. Right?

2010-10-07T15:10:00.003+08:00

That I AM a pilgrim, rather. Does it need to be solitary? But I suppose so, right? Then why were we created with that longing? It sure is much easier to read off an article than to put into practice.

2010-10-07T15:10:00.001+08:00

I have actually forgotten that I was a pilgrim.

2010-09-11T17:19:00.003+08:00

I was thinking about writing something and something to write last night. But I forgot.

Surreal. Yes, Talia. Surreal. Or did you ever sit down and fast forward your life in your head, beyond A levels, beyond NS, beyond graduating from university with a degree and first class honours or whatever qualification it is they consider very commendable, beyond your job interview, beyond your career, beyond your salary, beyond your mid-life crisis, beyond your eventual retirement, beyond your adjustment into old age, beyond your last, faint, gasping, or perhaps peaceful moments on your deathbed, beyond your funeral which probably isn't very relevant to you and into plain, dark, nothingness. And finally, the judgment seat of Christ, to whom it may concern and then on into life eternal with God on high, worshipping Him for all eternity.

Eternity. Now, I admit, the thought scares me sometimes. Let's face it, we're all used to closure. At the end of a broken relationship, a lost relative, a troubling persecution, what are we all so used to? Closure. An end, to any kind of event, happy, sad, joyful, melancholic, all things as we know it now, will one day be at an end. And then? Eternity. I was, for some time, extremely unsettled by the thought of death, nothingness, and all that follows thereafter. But now I'm slightly, if not pretty much more assured, that we'll be spending our time praising the our Creator for all He's worth and all He's done for all eternity. Eternity won't be enough. I tell you the truth, just typing it out now does make me tremble because eternity isn't something to be trifled with. But I know that while we're on this earth, we'll do everything we can to bring more to know Him and prepare for the kingdom.

But when that train of thought ends, I blink and look around. At my temporal surrounding, environment, problems. Which just a moment ago, loomed overhead, threatening to crush me into submission, oblivion. But now they retreat into a small, dark corner, outdone in their momentary wisp of an existence by the eternal nature of God and our relationship with Him. And I am comforted, because I suddenly remember the purpose of my existence, now a refreshed thought in my head, and it overrides all current troubles and makes them look like stepping stones up to our glorious hope. Which of course, they are. Everything is fine, now.

If only I hold this thought with me every moment of the day.

2010-07-11T21:19:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in the impossible? Well, I do. Let's say there was this crazy hard bass line which I was supposed to play, but I couldn't. And let's say I went home, practised a little and prayed really hard, went to sleep, and 16 hours after I learnt that I was supposed to do it, I played it for worship. Javis said, 'Awesome!' I couldn't agree more. God is really awesome. Even in such small matters, God rewards us for our little bit of faith, and will glorify Himself to our utmost and complete delight. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13. After all, when I prayed for Italy to score 2 goals against Slovakia, they did. Sadly, Slovakia scored 3.

2010-07-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

Et bien, j'ai dix-sept ans. 'Enfin!' 'Vive la liberte!' Or.. Not. Well RJ definitely is not what we had made it out to be, but who am I to complain. I have a lot of things to do. I have to remember it's my 'born-again' day that is cause for celebration. That aside, I'm thankful, Lord for creating me and shielding me these past 17 years. I am so much older from what I once was. There's no going back there. It's all upward from here. I'll never again walk through those familiar corridors and buildings without my heart in my mouth and that bittersweet feeling when I remember the times when we would have so much fun within the 4 insulated walls of our classroom that formed our retrospectively very near-utopian world. We were a family. And then we got estranged. How much of it will stay together and remain together in, say, 20 years? Sometimes I feel empty. God you are always with me and in my heart. Still, I'm sorry that I always feel lacking and that I'm always in want for a close christian friend. Everyone close to me is so far. Well, you know what I mean. In Australia, in university, estranged, in AC, in another class. Thank you Lord for teaching me to rely on you. But when my mom tells me that I ought to have a good friends on earth to lean on 'cause no man is an island, then I'm torn between practical advice, and faith and reliance on God. Or is it for me to ask you Lord? Anyway I am upbeat about th second half of the year. Please help me keep the faith, and continually be transformed and to shape my everything according to your Will. Help me also not to lose heart halfway, and to continue persevering when I've lost motivation. Please use me to make a difference to people around me, and help me really. I'm so far into my teens already and yet I'm so dependent, immature, and incapable. God I acknowledge my unworthiness and filthiness. Please purify and work in me. All praise honour and glory be to God.

2010-06-28T18:15:00.002+08:00

This isn't really what I'd hoped it turn out to be but I guess what's done is done, right? There's an awful lot of decisions or choices I'd unmake or reverse or negate or demolish or destroy had I the opportunity to. But I can't. Somehow this blog's been like my spirirtual life, somewhat. And this being my first post in 2 months, it's kind of easy to tell how I have inadvertently been straying, haven't I? Just like how every single time I couldn't be bothered to post, was the way I couldn't bring myself to pray or do QT or forgive or whatever it was. But now it's different. I'm not going to look back now. Because every time I did I fell.

Anyway I find it incredibly telling and typical that just before an exam comes I start looking to God for answers. I mean, of course I should always look to God, but not treat Him as a wishing well or the answer to problems that I can't be bothered to solve myself, right?

My plans for a memory verse fell through the roof.

I don't do this because I am 'so holy'. I do it for precisely the converse. Because I am NOT 'so holy'.

I am sorry that I have not written you that letter. I am also sorry that I have not written you that letter. I promise I will get cracking after the exams, and that's a promise. I will not renege on that. After the exams. Should I have taken TSD, then? Please bring me back?

2010-04-30T18:56:00.000+08:00

Something needs renewal, something needs revival, and something needs refinement.

2010-04-05T20:48:00.002+08:00

Hi Friend. You know, when I sat down opposite you at recess today, I felt relief. I felt ecstatic. It was refreshing to be sitting down with someone I'd been with for 4 years, someone close, someone familiar, to have a short but meaningful talk. It was almost reminiscent, of the times we were in the classroom known as 3A, at the very end of the SR block, times where we would go to the RJ canteen to have a nice perspective talk on things over two cans of coffee. (Haha, one for you, one for me, not two apiece.) It was even nicer when Wei Xuan came and sat down too. It almost felt like a class gathering save for the lack of numbers. Perhaps if the time had not been a constraint, we (or more probably, I) would have started talking about more inward things, things that only come out when you know the person well enough to trust that they'll keep it secret, things that only come out over two cans of coffee and a burger. Haha. But it wasn't to be, I guess. I smiled and waved when I got up to leave, but inwardly I was torn. Torn to part with such pleasant company, torn to have to face the real world, torn to return to the present. It's true, I miss the days in 3A/4A, but then, another day, I guess.

2010-03-23T21:02:00.002+08:00

I really shouldn't be online at this time. I just needed to say something. Actually, there's not much to say, except that I'm really amazed at how doing quiet time everyday has comforted me, and instilled in me a hunger to know a little more about God and how God really has shown me that little bit day by day and I'm especially amazed how that little bit of knowledge can be so comforting and so easily belittle all my seemingly gargantuan problems. I really wish I could stand here forever and not back down or be thrown off by anything in the world and I'm just afraid to think that I stand firm, lest I fall. I suppose, then, that all I can do is just to patiently wait upon God and search after Him. And in time, I'll grow stronger and firmer in Him. Wowee.

2010-03-17T19:01:00.002+08:00

Dear Jesus: Indeed, it's difficult to control the mind as much as it is to do the tongue. Especially when certain trains of thought are rampant, assertive and violently running amok in your head, upsetting the delicate balance of things, preventing your mind from utilising any of its necessary capacities to do anything productive. And when it keeps recalling memories that you have absolutely no need of, and really don't care whether you remember them or not, and find no meaning in hanging on to. When you just can't keep it under wraps for two minutes because anything good you feed it will go in and be lost forever, only to come out replaced by a brand new set, many times more entertaining, but completely useless, and occasionally unhealthy. I shouldn't be complaining, but bringing all this to God. But somehow, everytime I set about doing so, I lose my words. But Jesus, I trust in Your power and faithfulness. I believe that when I set my mind on things in Your heart, You will honour me and help me. You will save me. Thank You Lord for always being there and silently but surely listening and sharing in my troubles/problems. When I come out of this, I will look back and now that it was You who carried me through it all. Amen.

2010-03-12T21:45:00.003+08:00

Pride comes before a fall. I fell really hard. Almost crushing someone, in the process of doing so. I'm so sorry that I just blew this term away and wasted it so badly. Every wrong thing that could possibly have been done, I did. Please forgive me, and help me come back to school a better person, a stronger tool, a shinier vessel to glorify Your name. Because I feel as if that has been the last thing on my mind this term. And that I've pushed You all the way to the back, behind many other temporal, unimportant, and silly things. So help me.

2010-02-11T21:21:00.002+08:00

Thank God for letting me find good christian fellowship in RJ. I really hope that I'll be able to grow this year, and not to stumble others who are fellow brothers and sisters or people who've yet to know Jesus. Just like that.

2010-01-19T14:56:00.002+08:00

Tsk. I really need to get a grip on that temper/angst/whatchamacallit. It definitely isn't an outright burst of emotion or an explosion like how he almost did last night, but that makes it all the more dangerous, because I don't think that I've crossed the line when I've been walking on the wrong side all along. How's a bit of tolerance for starters?

2010's Resolutions.

2010-01-17T15:26:00.002+08:00

Firstly, I resolve to ask for wisdom and discernment, which will definitely come in ahndy at many points, in knowing what's right, knowing what to say, knowing what to do, and so forth.

I also resolve to, in all things, give thanks, be it small or big things, and whether they seem to be of consequence or not. In so doing, I shall hopefully, be able to do everything with JOY.

Finally, I resolve to try and control my tongue, and the things I say. I would ("I would" being an old English clause for "I would like to") speak things that are wholesome and encouraging, and lay aside all tattling, backbiting, excessive anger, crude or coarse joking and all things that do not glorify God or that tear people down.

Having said all this, I would plead with everyone who has read this to be my witness, and God, to remind me when I'm not keeping to this resolution.

Last but not least, may 2010 be a fruitful and blessed year for everyone! <3

National Service

2010-01-14T21:50:00.002+08:00

Dear Registrant,

You have reached 16 (and a half) years old and therefore are liable for National Service under the Enlistment Act (Chapter 93).

O.O

The man at the stadium toilet.

2010-01-13T20:49:00.002+08:00

Hi there. It's been a long time since I told a story, so here goes. I was training at Toa Payoh stadium. I went to the toilet to wash my hands. Because I was happy, I swang my arms around like a little kid. At the entrance/exit to the toilet, a man stood there. He stared at me for a while.

Me: "I'm sorry, did I splash water on you?"
Man: "Yes, you from Raffles right, should know better how to behave yourself!"
Me: "I'm sorry, sir, but it was just tap water!"
Man: "How you like it if I splash tap water in your face?"
Me, silent: *Thinks: I don't mind/care, but that's just me.* I didn't bother saying this out loud 'cause he'd think all Raffles kids are rude iron-teethed gangsters.

On hindsight, I should've wiped my hands dry.

Me, after some silence: "I'm really very sorry, sir."
Man: "Somemore you from Raffles, you should know how to behave yourself."

It could've gone both ways. I was this far from throwing down. Literally. But I'm glad I didn't. AFterall, I'd just prove his point. But maybe I should've explained it was an honest mistake, a human error, a lack of judgment regarding how far the water on my hands could fly without hitting the person in front of me. Still, I doubt he'd understand. So how? Now I've gone and tarnished my school's reputation in public. Jesus, what do you want to show me? How to deal with unreasonable people? Afterall, You must have let this come to pass for a reason, right? I'm sorry Lord, but I did try to turn the other cheek, although there wasn't much of a blow to receive. *Inward turmoil*

*Post-production blues ttm*

2010-01-05T17:30:00.000+08:00

Remind me when I fall off the narrow path. Not the narrow gate, but the narrow path.

2009-12-28T22:46:00.002+08:00

Lord I'm sorry I've lost the path and fallen down so many times. Please pick me up and help me find it again. Please help me with my scripture memory because I am what I think say do make a habit of mould my character and destiny to be. Lord you delight in doing me good, and I'm comforted by your faithfulness to me. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love and mercy, and eternal patience. Please God, grant me perseverance, courage and strength to do Your will and all it entails. Amen.

PS. Thank you very much for your words of comfort too. They didn't go to waste. You did help, and thanks for your prayers. God bless you.

2009-12-28T21:39:00.002+08:00

I'm so lost, so far off. Wow, like a polar bear in the Sahara. I must be off my rocker. Compass all whirling, but it's not stopping in any one direction. Tsk. I need to leave. This must be as close as it gets to losing it.

2009-12-17T15:26:00.001+08:00

So MANY things to do, so little time.

2009-12-04T20:55:00.001+08:00

Catch the wave! I'm catching Owl City fever all over again!

2009-11-30T00:27:00.003+08:00

Dear God, even if I walked out the door today and not a single person in the world loved me or cared for me, as long as You love me, that is good enough for me. Amen.

2009-11-21T12:03:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just lose sight of the end, forget the gravity of things, miscalculate the extent of love that could compel One to die for all. When I look at myself from a third person's point of view, nothing I do or say or think or fathom could ever seem mature enough to understand or to just be at the same level as so many others or even to express enough any trace elements of gratitude. So why the inferior feelings? Or ..not. What is this.. Web that I've gotten myself entangled in? Can you do anything better than to give it your all, your best, and not give ground to other temporal things that resemble wisps of invisible smoke from an air freshener? But they seem so enticing, no? So full and so beautiful to behold. That is from man's perspective. So when will you learn to see the things of God, and not the things of man?

2009-11-21T11:55:00.002+08:00

But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. So what's my idol? What's the problem now? It's pretty blatant, really. Or maybe just the former. How do you deal with something that refuses to get lost? It was sincere, okay, not anything to do with adolescent impulses, I meant that. I want to go back to being 12. Or skip all the way to my 20s. Because this ____ lark is really killing me. All I can do now is read my bible, play my guitar, and hope my heart mends in time. 'Cause it'll all get better in time. Won't it?

2009-11-20T17:18:00.003+08:00

Do I look like I'm okay? Maybe that's 'cause I mask it well. Do I look out of sorts? Blame my poor facial control. And I try not to assume. Anything, so you had better not be me. Why would I think that in the first place? Or maybe I'm overreacting. I'm this close to be far, far, far away from cleanliness. So wake me up.

Singapore 1 - 0 Thailand

Duric 38'

2009-11-12T22:30:00.003+08:00

Hey! It's not quite that secret. Was it a mere, casual passing-by glance, or was it intentional? Intentional, I hope. No I don't hope anything. Anyway. Three point five. Because 3.5 and a fullstop doesn't look nice. It looks like I forgot an extra number after the fullstop. Not that I'm complaining - or that I'm in any position to - but, - and honest! I got my just desserts - I'm just. *Mental reboot* Many things are running through my head. Which is normal, unlike Charles at Singapore Idol, whose mind was blank right before his results. I mean seriously! He could have been thinking of so many things! Am I in the top 3? Bottom 3? Can I get to the finals? Am I handsome? Okay, so I ran out of things for him to think of, but hey! His brain, his thoughts. I shouldn't be thinking of things for him to think about. Go figure. Is 3.5, which is lower than the 50th percentile, enough to secure me my choice of options? Does it affect my confidence? What are my options, actually? So many things to worry about. Almost as though I'm strong enough to carry them all. As though His everlasting arms cannot carry me, cannot hold me up, as though He is not sufficient for me because 4H2 subjects is just too much for the God who created the heavens, the earth and Facebook. You should be ashamed of yourself. Can you not even be faithful in the small things, like QT, or reading the Bible, and then how can you expect to be faithful in big things, and how can you expect Him to do miracles when you don't fulfil your part? He must be so disappointed. But give me another chance to start afresh?

2009-11-11T19:49:00.001+08:00

I'm finally starting to understand what she meant by that mid-teen, everything-cool-is-not-cool-anymore phase.

2009-11-04T21:35:00.002+08:00

And don't make me read others' well-constructed literatures and mature blogs, because I am undeniably proud, and it makes me feel inferior, so you can scrap that. If I could find you now, things would get better. We could totally leave this town and RUN forever. I know somewhere somehow we'll be together. So let your waves crash down on me and take me awayayay.

2009-11-04T21:08:00.002+08:00

Okay. So RS is tomorrow. Just let me be able to sing from the bottom of my heart what I am meaning and I've been meaning to say. A song of gratitude and acknowledgment. For those who've been wondering why I chose to sing that song as I've neither the vocals nor power nor range to do so, I did so because I want to express thanks as well as acknowledge my Maker and Master, in whose everlasting invisible hands I rest. And if I'm able to pull it off, you, yes ALL of YOU will know that it is only by god's will and strength that I was able to. See you.

2009-10-30T22:23:00.002+08:00

I just realised/rediscovered how super unfit I am. I'm not going to expound. But. RS rehearsals on Monday and Wednesday, which just happen to clash with training, I have a feeling the world's turning and then turning back just to smash everything together goodbye I'm not happy about having to miss even one training, seeing as to I've JUST STARTED. What's it going to look like :/

2009-10-27T22:21:00.002+08:00

Tennis today was quite a fair waste, seeing as to how it rained 5 minutes into play. Not your fault, because you don't control the rain, do you. Nope, don't worry about that. What really got my goat was not being asked to go play badminton, 'cause as you probably, or else should know by now, I am a proud person, and I don't ask people to let me tag along, I have to be asked. But then again, it's a first, this time, so I guess it's Your way of telling me to rest. Especially after what yesterday's training did to my extremely unfit body. No pain, no gain, huh. I've been righted. What else have I to say? Oh right, I don't know how I'm going to get through RS, except that You're going to take me through. And. Everyone's leaving. I'm all alone. And I'm not kidding, I absolutely am not, I just can't wait for this chapter to close and for the next one to begin, because this one is becoming unbearable and unbearably lonely. Except for. Yes, and it pains me to start thinking about all I've lost. Yeah sure, I respect your decision for that, but it does seem a little unfair to me to have to be the sacrifice in exchange for your_ but of course, there's comfort and hope in the Rock, and in the fact that nothing but a solid Rock I have for/in the centre of my life. That's one. Two, everyone else is following suit and leaving as well. Come back, all of you! Come back! I'm tired of chasing empty shadows, now. Leave, leave. Just let me tide this by in the shadow of Your wing, and then, slowly, hopefully, the new chapter will be better than the previous. Am I done? Maybe. And I so desperately need to/want to see you, hear your voice, feel your comforting presence, although you're not the ideal hope of everyone that we should all strive for, and to that One, please pardon me, but my pathos overtakes my mind, and right now I feel like you're the only one who can soothe my wrack of nerves, despite that being false, but I don't know why, because I let you go but you keep coming back? No, I don't, of that I was so absolutely certain that there was no turning back to be spoken of, and then as I was feeling so sure of it, I walked into the wall on which was scrawled what conveyed the exact opposite. I suppose, now that after all this mortal searching and running around and feeling about in the dark for something, anything, the Light suddenly comes into the picture and makes everything clearer, for a moment, a vapour of an existence, and just as quickly, the candle is snuffed out, and I am gone. To eternal glory, and may I face the end of the road with more satisfaction than disappointment.

2009-10-23T22:29:00.001+08:00

It's over [: Time to go RJC, join track, and watch Mind Your Language and The Office till I drop.

2009-10-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

1 Corinthians 7:14 I never saw it that way. In fact, I never saw it.

2009-10-19T21:46:00.003+08:00

Boo. Long time coming, this one. I am really up to my neck in deep water for Biology. Here's a breakdown. I tried doing both the 2007 and 2008 Sec 4 Biology EOY papers. The MCQ was an epic failure because, simply because I was guessing every 4 out of 5 questions. I couldn't even remember how to differentiate the radius and ulna, which is like, basic memory ttm, for crying out loud. Speaking of differentiate, I'm just about as gobsmacked as to what to do for Biology as I am for Mathematics. And I don't know if I should continue RP in RJ. So many choices/things to do. I never knew you were proud. I would never have guessed either. I couldn't even fathom how you'd use "catch no ball" or understand "ttm" but you're really full of surprises, I guess. Now, should I stay all the way to twelve to wish Mrs Smith a happy birthday, at the cost of 2 hours of sleep which I probably will need for tomorrow's Physics. It sounds selfish, doesn't it. Okay I'll give it a try, but I'll probably fall asleep or get scolded by my parents before the time comes. You can bet on that. And I am totally beyond/past the point of caring or bothering to write mature stuff that is so twisted that people have no idea what's going on. By this time. If there were a word that you can find in the dictionary to sum my feelings up right now, it'd be "aarrgghhwaurrghghhooowwwwwwllll". Definitely something simple like that. What I really need now, is to have a nice talk with you over lunch. Or over coffee. Do you drink coffee? Or over the phone, maybe. When this whole Sec 4 lark is over, perhaps. Till then, my back still aches.

2009-10-11T20:49:00.002+08:00

I don't believe it myself, but there it is. Under the category, I saw my name in ten glorious letters whoop de doo I'm in. And for all it was worth, your call was a timely 17 minutes of reprieve from this hectic journey. I'm sorry I walked into a lift and the call got cut. Bon Qui Qui! I will cut. You.

2009-10-10T18:38:00.002+08:00

Whew. We're getting closer. Please help me to stay my focus, to do my best, to give it my all, and give the glory back to you, but before that, let me love my brother, just like Jesus loves me.

2009-10-07T21:09:00.003+08:00

Yes, this is the real deal. Forgiveness and gratitude. For the forgiveness received. It feels so absolutely cathartic. I cried, for crying out loud. That's how much it all meant to me. Absolute relief, I'll be gobsmacked.

2009-10-05T20:44:00.003+08:00

I wish I could take back everything, or turn back time, or whatever. But you know, it did hurt, very much so, when you did that. I'm sorry for making everything worse, but for that very few seconds/minutes, I'm ashamed to say I felt so bitter towards you. But writing this all doesn't make me feel better. I understand the centre-theory better now. I had so much to say, so much to hold against you for seemingly blaming me for something that to me, really isn't my fault, and that I'd felt you'd've understood under more allowing circumstances, such as level headedness, but that's not for me to say, and even then, I let go, because He did. I can't really say much more, except that, really, it's now, to me, just so much twisted, hurtful, angst-filled, bitter moments, which I'm at a loss of what to feel about. Stop this. Now.

2009-10-04T21:31:00.002+08:00

My mind is still reeling. It still can't believe that You actually did it. My spirit can, though. It's something called faith, maybe? I guess, I'm thankful to You for hoouring me in my attempt to do my best for You. At the end of it all, we just have to give You the glory for doing the seemingly impossible. Really, I can't express my gratitude enough. But there still remains the problem of my behaviour.

And random thoughts I thought to pen down. Last night I had the best dream. I dreamt that overnight, I grew to 180 centimetres and 60 Kilograms. Fat hope, huh. Looks like what was troubling me wasn't the CCTs, just English. How very typical. And slap me silly, I do believe *cut* :/ Well, that's convenient. My badminton skills have stayed at "phenomenal" levels [: Despite not having played for weeks. Falling ill sucks when you're not worth having someone to keep your notes. Amazing, they sent it O: Thank You so much. Some people you just can't forget. And I can't believe I made such a stupid mistake. I forget what the mistake is, but I hold to my theory of not forgetting people. Hmm, ask *cut*? Maybe. Ask *cut*? I must be crazy. So many things on my mind. *Big cut* So would mine, actually, so no questions there. She is so fascinating. Not in any way more than Him. Definitely not. This sinking feeling lark is really getting to me. It's the third time now. What are You telling me? I am listening. I'm not fond of her. Lunch does not mean anything. Of course not, what do you take me for? Fine with it? I'm glad for that.

Call me queer, call me strange, call me whatever you will. All I ever wanted was to dream of another sunshine with you.

2009-10-01T21:42:00.005+08:00

I've seen so many stumbling things today, I may as well have been a rotten tree felled by an axe. Plus, major UPSET. Now listen, I don't want to rant, but you should've listened to what we had to say before you shot us down, you who our cast and crew are so angry and annoyed with, who probably don't even know that this blog or the people who're all dying to have you skinned, diced, roasted, fried, charred, burnt, scattered of the face of Pluto even exist. Do you know the impact of your words? Can you fathom the extent of damage? Will you be able to restitute what's lost that cannot be retrieved? I really hope for your and my sake that we pull through.

That aside. I. Have. Been. A. Total. Say-it. I'm sorry, for upsetting You again, and again, and again, with my needless attempts to impress everyone under over in the sky but You. Please take control of my life. Everything I ever said or held against that once-considered-mis-judge I take back. I let go, I release, I loose. With a deep breath, I exchange the old self for the new Spirit, and I am bitter no more. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank You. For being what You are. Now, help me, when I am ready, to do that which I was conceived, developed, birthed and came to earth to do. It's now or never.

2009-10-01T09:10:00.002+08:00

I am unsettlingly disturbed, disturbingly unsettled, and quite stumbled. It's a wake up call. Hi Zac, welcome to the real world, which isn't as straight as in your sweet dreams.

2009-09-30T22:24:00.003+08:00

Dear God, I know I haven't really obeyed you this week, I confess that I've said alot of unglorifying things, that I know Jesus wasn't proud of as He stood beside me. But Lord I also thank you for being gracious and unchanging in that grace and for forgiving me over and over again despite all I've done that upsets you. I pray that during the performance tomorrow, we'll give you our best, and you'll give us a good result, 'cause everyone wants this for their lit. Please help us do well, Lord, so everyone'll see your hand in it, that it was your hand that changed everything. Yet not my will, but Yours be done. In Jesus' name I pray, amen, amen.

2009-09-28T22:21:00.002+08:00

You know, when you told me about witnessing to your grandmother, I got that same sinking feeling again. Not because of what you're doing, but the whole idea of lost souls now seems to just turn my legs into so much jelly. So give us grace, and mercy, and help us in this. Because bitterness will not bring us to the kingdom. What can we do, but to pray for words and anointed lips, and open hearts? For wide is the road to destruction but narrow the gate to the kingdom of heaven. So help us. Please.

2009-09-27T14:32:00.002+08:00

Just tell me why. Why everything. That _ lark is affecting my frame of mind. And tell me why. I saw the Indian aunty from the thirteenth floor who lives diagonally-below-across from us. It went something like this.

Me: Hello Aunty.

Aunty: Hello, hello. Where('s) your mother?

Me: Still upstairs. I('m) go(ing) downstairs (to) wait for them (first).

Aunty: Oh. *Sees my Bible* Going (to) church ah?

Me: Yes. *I start getting a feeling*

Aunty: I('m) also going (to the) temple.

Me: *There's no doubt about it. It is a feeling. A pretty depressing one*

I don't know why, and slap me if I didn't, but I was so certain that I got this sinking feeling at that point. Inexplicable? Hardly. Burden? Absolutely. It's just a question of why. Two whys. Why now? Why not someone else? Unfathomable. But if this is what they call eternal perspective, then I'm glad for it. I believe I've figured what it was all about. My mom calls them sincere, but, sadly, sincerely wrong. Forgive me for not paying closer attention.

2009-09-26T17:49:00.002+08:00

Try, and put aside your history and pride: maybe for one moment in time, we'll all be on your side. The story goes: nobody knows what it was like when you would throw someone who cared out in the air, and let them crash down anywhere. Did you run away, did you fall apart, did you see yourself, for what you are? Will you be looking for it anymore, when _ becomes _? When you're all alone with the melody, do you close your eyes and think of me? Will you still hear me singing anymore, when _ becomes _?

2009-09-24T18:28:00.001+08:00

At this juncture, I don't know how to classify it. Seems so hard, and 9 months just swished by without much success. I know how it's done in theory, but when it just gets down to the crunch, I can't do it. And there's just been so many more grey issues than I've ever counted in my llife. He was right, it's not an easy path. Are You there? Of course, but then why don't I seem to take notice? Is there some way I can be saturated enough to not think about anything else? And even then, how will I do it? But I'm not saturated. No, I don't think so, not yet, I'm not. It takes much more than that.

2009-09-23T18:14:00.002+08:00

I am floating away, lost in a silent ballet. I'm dreaming you're out in the blue and I am right beside you, awake to take in the view. Late nights and early parades, still photos and noisy arcades, my darling we're both on the wing, look down and keep on singing, and we can go anywhere. Are you there?

Are you there? Or are you just a decoy dream in my head? Am I home, or am I simply tumbling out alone? I'm in two minds about whether to join Rafflesian Spotlight or not. On one hand, it's going to be fun. On the other, embarrassing. But I'm pretty bent on singing Boats and Birds if I do get to the finals. My mind is now filled to bursting with delusions of grandeur and OOO: beating David. Naah.

2009-09-16T21:01:00.002+08:00

So you're annoyed, and you think, incorrigible. Well, sometimes, friend, people are like that, and I think it's called pig-headedness. But why do you get your face all screwed up because of that? Don't. It's always better to forgive, because Jesus forgave, right? Think of all he's done you wrong, and compare that to all you've done God wrong. The ratio you get should be something like 1:34537586635758246826715... And just think, if Jesus could forgive you all that, surely you can afford to forgive that now seemingly little fault of his? No? Well, then, if you really cannot bring yourself to do so, by which time I would be really disappointed, leave it all up to God to handle, but never ever harbour bitterness in that sweet heart of yours, lest it become a bitter heart. We forgive not because they deserve it, but because God forgave us even while we cursed Him in the depths of our hearts, and we are thankful for it. You probably get my drift by now. Don't you?

2009-09-14T12:18:00.003+08:00

Careers that I apparently enjoy. Character actor? Fair enough. Massage therapist? :/ Conference planner? Not on your life.

2009-09-06T22:07:00.004+08:00

gyhbvft7ujn cde4568om xwq346. That's going round in circles for you. I am so confused as to what I'm supposed to think, or believe? I think I'm just going to stop right her_

2009-09-06T22:04:00.002+08:00

Maybe I wasn't meant to write that. Or maybe I should've taken note of it today. But how was I to, with a switched off phone :/

2009-09-06T21:46:00.003+08:00

Please, don't take offence, or read too much or too far between the lines. I am, and I try to be, as far as it gets, a simple person. And if it was something too sensitive for you, then I'm sorry, I'll be careful next time. No hard feelings?

2009-09-06T21:22:00.003+08:00

Please pardon my informality, but thanks so much for doing that. Even if I had the words to describe it, it would be pretty difficult and long. It's like a miracle. It was a miracle. I could hardly believe that anything so whimsical and hardly possible that ever came from the depths of my imaginative mind would come to pass. In fact, I don't even think I had ever fathomed how that would have been possible. Yet nothing is impossible, and oh-so-quickly, I've already returned to that odious, despicable ingrate that I started off as. Hah, I could spite myself in contempt at all my pride and self-importance. But that's not the way, now, is it? Of course not. Never through self-condemnation, because of His great love. Because of His great love, He gave His only son, and everything was done, so all of us would go to Him, and leave behind our pasts and give Him our presents and our futures, and our all. So you tell me why I shouldn't just do that right this instance. You're not stopping me. Neither am I.

2009-09-06T21:13:00.001+08:00

I wanted to say something. But I forgot what. It was on my mind the whole day, then the moment I turned the computer on *blank*

2009-08-24T23:04:00.001+08:00

Found this at www.shimmyzimmy.blogspot.com. Yes, I have nothing better to do than to draft a letter to the vice-principal.

Three names I go by:
1. Zachary
2. Zackie
3. ZAAAAAAAACCCCC

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. Kindergarten student
2. Primary school student
3. Secondary school student

Three places I have lived:
1. Jurong West, Singapore
2. 215 Toa Payoh Lorong 8, Singapore
3. Gloucester (say with me: GLOSS-ter) Street, London, England

Three Favorite Drinks
1. Milk
2. Green tea!
3. Water

Three TV shows I watch:
1. AVATAR The Legend Of Aang [[[:
2. The Gentle Crackdown
3. News 5 Tonight

Three places I have been:
1. Singapore
2. Australia
3. Thailand.

People that text me the most :
1. Yu Da
2. Benn
3. Jia Min

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Chicken Rice
2. KFC
3. Pasta.

Three friends I think will respond:
1. Respond
2. To
3. What?

Three pets that I've had:
1. Michael
2. Guan Lin
3. Wei Xuan

(They're my pets. I pet them in class.)

Three places I want to visit before I die:
1. Ontario, Canada
2. Sydney, Australia
3. Where the Tigris and Euphrates diverge from. Which happens to be where Eden once was.

2009-08-24T22:47:00.001+08:00

It's been a day of surprises, of highs and lows, of hopes and expectations, dashed and sprinted. It's just been queer. And there're just those lights at the end of the Rainbows. Which one???

2009-08-18T16:25:00.002+08:00

Other than apologies and marvelling at my own stupidity/absentmindedness/muddleheadedness, there's nothing much else to say except ):

2009-08-17T17:32:00.001+08:00

I got my DMPs all registered for!!! Plus I got called a crazy child for typing a long mail. They didn't let me take Improvising A Play because that unit was filled up by chinese remedial, which I need to go for, as the student with the second best grades in class, or something :/ Not being proud, I guess I do need the revision, but still, I wanted that module really badly. Of course, no floorball and no differential equations :/ Not as much disappointment there, but they said my Math isn't 3.6, exkeeyoouuuuzer-me, it totally is way above 3.6, where's the justice in that? Unless_ D: And. I'm so far behind math, not to mention I managed to post a bleeding letter without a stamp, for crying out loud. I apologise for my rougher-than-usual tone of voice :/ Well, it's past Sunday and I haven't started reading, shame shame. Better start now!

2009-08-13T17:49:00.001+08:00

Ow, the klutz came back. He was gone for so long. Or maybe just in hibernation or seclusion or some hermit activity. I shouldn't have gone for that tackle on the ball when Kevin and Guan Lin were charging for it. I don't know, they probably weigh, what? Close to 140kg together and it all went into my right leg. Now I can't cross my leg properly :/ You clumsy oaf.

2009-08-13T16:19:00.000+08:00

This is it. I'm going to start right this Sunday. Make that right today. Though I don't know what to do with the extra chapters. If my segments get separated I'll scream, and You'll be there. So, we were meant to be?

2009-08-13T16:03:00.000+08:00

Life seems better after English and Chinese CCT. I don't know. Anyway, here's to starting Bible readings. There's so much I want to say but.. I forgot it all.

2009-08-09T21:04:00.000+08:00

Well Uncle Peter and Aunty Eve came back for a few weeks from Canada and we went out a couple of times. Of course I couldn't go last week 'cause I was sick. But still. I forgot the joy of having someone around who doesn't speak with Singlish. I mean like, American/Australian/something like that. Grace's really funny when she get's like agitated over certain kind's of stuff. Haha so cute.

Aunty Eve: Gracie don't drink so much. Give some to them. *Pours drink into our cup*
Gracie: Mom! That's too much!
Aunty Eve: Where got? See left so much! *Points inside cup*
Gracie: *Indicating that only about 2 inches remains* There's so little left!
Aunty Eve: Gracie where's the cover why you spoil the cover later spill how?
Gracie: How'm I going to spill THIS much? *Indicating how little is left*

Granted it doesn't sound as funny on print as it does in actuality. Bearing in mind that she (Grace) is hopping about in her seat pointing around and waving her fist. Okay not that last bit. Whatever. Oh but she does a really good British accent. And supposedly a Spanish one.

Never really seen Zeb so animated with other friends/people. I guess being about the same age they can really clique huh.

And school's so fun in America they can actually wear home clothes to school. I can imagine myself in shorts and slippers. Kind of relaxing not to be in a stuffy uniform. I mean, of course, there's no reason for uniform to be hot unless you're like, playing tennis in uniform. Or something. Plus they have all sorts of fun stuff like twin day (during which you wear clothes that're the same as somone else. We have 24/7 twin day in RI) and pyjama day, which is so cool 'cause you can wear anything, even pyjamas,except tank tops which aren't less than three fingers thick at the shoulders, which Grace says is hard to come by in shops in Canada and which I have none of so thankfully I don't come into trouble under that rule. And the way she describes Estella screaming so much is so funny. Of course I don't laugh out loud 'cause it's not raucously funny, just amusing in a quiet way. Just that Estella now seems so different from the Estella I knew. Of course I never had the opportunity to stand OUTside her room and get shouted at to get out of her room, so of course I won't know her that well. Notwithstanding the last time she came back I was 9 and she was 11. Lots of time to forget what she was like. I find it interesting, though, that the last time Uncle Peter and Aunty Eve came back, I was kind of pally with Estella. And this time, Estella's preparing for university, so I was pally with Grace. Of course, it's got to be mentioned that Gracie's extremely chatty. Nevertheless, they're 6 years apart, and I find that. I don't know. Interesting? Yeah. OH you know what. I asked Gracie and she said she thought I would be about 19. Or same age as Estella, who's turning 18 in October. I'M OLD. Your voice changes everything. In sec 2 when I was high and squeaky, grown adults, whose minds/brains are fully and rationally developed and thereby should be able to rationally guess a persons age were coming up to me and saying I know! You're either Primary 4 or Primary 5! =.= I ask you. Anyway next time we're going up to Canada and I'm totally going to try Canada's Wonderland and tubing and skiing and all the fun stuff <3 Oh man.

Can't wait! Australia will have to wait :/ 'Cause no one stays in Sydney!!! ): I mean come ON, you've got to be kidding me, there's Uncle Dennis in Perth, Uncle Andrew in Melbourne, Hazel Jie in Brisbane but no one except Erinn in Sydney but NO RELATIVES so I can't visit you, 'cause my parents probably won't travel to Sydney and sit in Starbucks while I visit Erinn right. Who are you kidding. Maybe I can ask to squeeze in a Sydney into our Australian itinerary. (Contrary to popular belief, it's Itinerary, pronounced Ai-TIN-ner-rare-ee, not Itinery.) I mean, Perth, Melbourne, Brisbane, and beautiful Sydney [: Sounds like a pretty good plan to me. But hopefully Aunty Sally's house is vacated of all tenants, i.e. Aunty Jenny/Aunty Irene who have plans to go up to America too. Then we can go and stay and visit Uncle Peter they all lah.

But now, it's just back to school. Put a big smile on my face, awright. I like to make myself believe*PIAK* Enough already!

2009-07-31T16:33:00.000+08:00

It seems like Blogger has barred me permanently from using the smallest available font. *Wry smile* Very funny. Looks like all my hard work to complete the Portfolio was overly concentrated on yesterday :/ Turns out it's due on Monday. Well I never. I want to play tennis. And to make make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

2009-07-29T18:05:00.001+08:00

Mad rush for Biology Class Common Test and Showcase Portfolio. I like to make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly.

2009-07-20T20:14:00.001+08:00

I didn't know you came here and read that. I wasn't referring to you man. I was referring to myself. I wouldn't call anyone an a**. Not anymore.

2009-07-16T20:56:00.000+08:00

Always there, huh. Awesome. One and only.

2009-07-10T20:42:00.000+08:00

Please, please the right Person.

2009-07-05T17:36:00.003+08:00

Haha. I opened up my mail, and I think there'll never be a day where I saw so many "___________ wrote on your wall" reminders from Facebook. Haha!

Galatians 1:10 "For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I yet please men, I should not be a servant of Christ."

2009-07-03T21:13:00.002+08:00

Thanks Mush Greg and Richard for the cake, though I don't eat cake, much less do I fancy chocolate mousse :/ Sorry you burnt your fingers with the lighter though ): Shouldn't've tried so much. But in the end thanks for giving me a cake with lighted candles [: I think it was the second time I ever ate cake. And chocolate cake, at that.

Let me come through with that commitment. 16 years is not an age to mess around at.

2009-06-29T21:48:00.002+08:00

I started to wonder why people celebrate their birthdays. I guess, we should be thankful that God created us, and that my existence now isn't a hypothetical plan at the back of the Creator's head, while my being floats somewhere in space, not going to be conceived just yet, and if there be no need, that I never come into existence. But birthdays? The day, we are born, grown for 9 months out of a conception in sin, into a world that isn't the epitome of goodness and love. Really, what can be so good to celebrate if we are born just to be sent to back to the earth and eternal damnation at the end of our vapour-esque existence? UNLESS. There is something. Something, or Someone who came down, to die for everything wrong we did, do or will ever do, Something that will make this life worth living, and prepare us for the one eternal. Otherwise, what's our purpose, where are we headed, is there any point in life? Why do we celebrate the day we are born, as though it were a holiday, when it is the day that we begin our journey in sin? I'm not saying we should wish not to be born. Life isn't to be trifled with. What I'm saying is, what really is cause for celebrating is if there was a day that we enter not into trouble and sin, but into grace and life eternal. THAT would be worth celebrating. So we can celebrate our birthdays. But we ought not to forget to thanks God for our second-birth, our born-againdays.

2009-06-28T21:50:00.002+08:00

Taking videos for Social Documentary was harder than I thought. I felt so shameless, snooping around Ngee Ann City for posters to film beside and it didn't help that Guan Lin kept suggesting posters of lingerie models. Then we got chased off by a security guard, and ended up filming along Orchard Road. SO NOISY and I kept tripping up over my lines. It's totally not easy to memorise a paragraph in 5 minutes. This is why I always fail spelling. That will be chinese spelling.

AND I must be more careful in future. Turn away from apathy complacency and deadness, and learn to be caring and watch myself and always be aware and remember and come online before 9pm and do homework or else you are so totally schisted and youarenotgoingtosurvivethisyearletaloneRJ.

2009-06-26T22:55:00.002+08:00

So I was in the printing room getting the latest edition of the script photocopied. And, the phone rang. I figured it was for the photocopying aunty so I stood up from the chair and picked it up for her, and the school's "photocopy lady", as she is known, who has often been gossiped about and never known to smile, smiled widely at me, and with a word of thanks, took the receiver from my hand. A little love works wonders.

And this'll be the first time in a week, that I'll see you and I can't say a THING.

2009-06-25T21:31:00.002+08:00

All's well that end's well, and all's understood that's explained. But you surprise_ me with that question. Of course, nothing changes. Don't you think so?

2009-06-25T00:12:00.001+08:00

Close to no one but God. I'm sorry, but it just seems that way. If you like [Whirlpool] better than me, say so. OI just let it go you jealous a**.

2009-06-24T23:47:00.002+08:00

And you, my dear, your troubles are great, but they aren't the worst I've seen. Not as much as sister, at least. That isn't to say that they're nothing, oh sure, they're a force to be reckoned with. I know it's hard when people can't believe that you can be successful in a career of, say, art. I also know it's not easy when they're now asking you to pass, instead of ace, your exams. Sometimes, scratch that, all the time, you have to give it all up to God. I can't say much but this, that if you're getting vibes that bluerain has higher chances of being actually successful in life, then don't trust them. And, [_____] don't cry, I know, you're trying your hardest. I'd hate to see you cry.

2009-06-24T23:36:00.002+08:00

One more thing.

No one said it would be easy. Taking up your cross daily never is. No matter what, look to Him, the author and finisher of your faith and your parents. I don't know how to say this, but God will give you the strength enough to go through whatever you face. To the God who created you, your IPod, Mount Everest, and Jupiter, nothing is impossible, even the work of changing two seemingly hard, unforgiving steamrollers of parents. Ephesians 5:21 Submit to others in the love of God. Galatians 2:20 Jesus lives in you now, so let Him. 1 Corinthians 10:13 God won't allow you to be tested beyond what you are able. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love encompasses so much. But if we can fulfil all this, we will really experience the love joy and protection of God. I know it's hard, but sometimes, the best pots take the longest time to make, sister.

2009-06-24T22:56:00.001+08:00

Two things I want to say to two very important people now.
1. Thank you, so very much.
2. I'm so very sorry, but tomorrow!

2009-06-17T21:14:00.002+08:00

Ten things I wish I could say to ten different people right now
1. You can use the com now.
2. I love you.
3. Some helliday right.
4. Can you get me the magnets?
5. Do you have crocodile clips?
6. Stay safe, have fun!
7. Sorry I can't go retreat :/
8. I really miss you too_
9. Help me.
10. I really like you.

Nine things about myself
1. I'm totally chinese. Haha.
2. I am tall! Thank God [:
3. People think my handwriting is like a girl's? But it's totally not.
4. I really. really. REALLY like orange. You have no idea. (Haha)
5. I can line your eyes!
6. I have crow's feet D:
7. I triple jump. Believe me.
8. I. Don't. Luvo.
9. I find it disgusting.

Eight ways to win my heart
1. Be nice to me [:
2. Be nice to others [:
3. Write me letters.
4. Talk to me.
5. Bring me to eat ice cream.
6. Text me.
7. Don't hug me. You're expensive.
8. Uh, ask God to give you my heart, haha.

Seven things that cross my mind a lot
1. Oh. A text!
2. Stop thinking that.
3. What the sick.
4. I should be studying, not doing (whatever I'm doing)
5. Hey that looks like_
6. I could play that on the guitar.
7. I'm going to learn hot to play that on the guitar.

Six things I do before I fall asleep
1. Brush my teeth.
2. Fling water on the floor.
3. Switch off my phone.
4. Pray, most of the time.
5. Think of _
6. Hope that sinking feeling goes away in the morning.

Four things you're wearing right now
1. Watch.
2. Glasses.
3. Blank face.
4. Invisible halo.

Three songs that you listen to often
1. Ocean Avenue - Yellowcard
2. The Saltwater Room - Owl City
3. Where I Stood - Missy Higgins

Two things you want to do before you die
1. Live a full life for God.
2. Go somewhere with best friends.

One confession
1. I was more messed up than this before.

Something's missing!

2009-06-15T17:38:00.002+08:00

Who is this?
In chemistry, He turned water to wine.
In biology, He was born without the normal conception.
In physics, He disapproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven.
In economics, He disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5000 men with two fishes & 5 loaves of bread.
In medicine, He cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drug.
In history, He is the beginning and the end.
In government, He said that He shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.
In religion, He said no one comes to the Father except through Him.

So, who do you think this person is?

He is the Greatest Man in History.
He had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
Had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
Had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Praise God.

Taken out of somewhere.

2009-06-15T17:19:00.001+08:00

This is madness. Feelings of loss.

2009-06-14T16:28:00.002+08:00

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have,
And ever hope to be.

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have,
And ever hope to be.

For it's only in
Your will that I am free.

For it's only in
Your will that I am free.

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have,
And ever hope to be.

All of my
Ambitions, hopes and plans
I surrender these
Into Your hands.

All of my
Ambitions, hope and plans
I surrender these
Into Your hands.

For it's only in
Your will that I am free.

For it's only in
Your will that I am free.

Jesus, all for Jesus
All I am and have,
And ever hope to be.

To be dead and alive again. Oh, an embrace, but important no longer.

2009-05-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky.

2009-05-20T21:44:00.001+08:00

I came not to apologise, but to comfort you, mentor. I'm terribly sorry.

2009-05-20T21:30:00.000+08:00

False hopes and cold property. All part of why we can't keep a tight rein.

2009-05-18T22:00:00.000+08:00

En fin, liberation, I think.

2009-05-18T21:38:00.002+08:00

Look at you, you're growing old so young. Please, don't be. You were/are disappointed, we all are. We're not really so unalike, you and I. But we moved on. It does, when you pray, it works wonders. Looking back, we're very much the same, you hoped for their fall to be softened, so did I, by some stroke of Will, lay the misplaced cushion, guided by the Invisible Hand, who was always there to lift us up when we fell, and is always there to comfort us when we are distraught. Thanks, Dad. It wasn't easy? Trust me, it will neverbe, and it never is. Sure, it means alot to you, that's why it hurts. You definitely wanted it badly, but cry, let it out. And when we're old, you can frame it up and say, "Look, we survived that", it will definitely come to pass. Looking back on it all, we'll realise who carried us through when we were at our lowest, wasn't actually ourselves, and how much gratitude we owe Him, and can never, infinitely, eternally ever, repay back, but to turn back and give the glory where it's due. Sure they had it hard, but they're still alive, battered and bruised, but alive. All thanks to the One who caught them.

2009-05-18T21:24:00.002+08:00

The same never-ending vicious cycle. There is no clear line defining what's right or not anymore. It's always better to understep but why doesn't that ever happen? Maybe it's because. Of course, it must be. There is really no point debating over the same issues over and over again, when you know the outcome is the same, nothing's done, nothing ever happens. Go to!

2009-05-07T21:35:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usR7mMHUhlY The Saltwater Room
Credits: Erinn

2009-05-07T20:56:00.001+08:00

And how can I blame you when I am at fault? I'm terribly sorry. Looking at it with a third eye, I suddenly seem incredibly dumb to have made that claim, when I don't even make the effort to disprove it.